Woe is Me!

Whenever we whined when we were kids someone would laugh and give us a tease. Usually it was my sister, Lindsey and we had a saying, "I'm Windsy Whiner and I like to whiiiiine." Honestly, I don't really think that she whined any more than anyone else but the saying just kinda stuck.
We also have another thing we say ... Brown girls are tough. For whatever reason, we prided ourselves on being tough girls - maybe it was our athletic mom or outdoorsy dad, I don't know. My mom could handle hard things. Really hard things - some of which being ... growing up on a ranch / farm, births sans medications, rough surgeries, etc. And our dad taught us to shoot guns and play hard. He was a football player and regaled us with stories of playing ball with broken bits - "the coach wouldn't call the end of practice until Brownie's nose was bleeding". Anyways, I'm tough. I pride myself on handling hard things.
Lately, however, I am a wimp. At least I feel like a wimp. I am in pain. I have been in pain since, really, last year in September. The pain since July has been pretty intense. I'm really frustrated. I really just don't feel like my fun loving self. I really miss running. So much, you have no idea. I hate it when people ask how I'm doing and I can't say "GREAT!" Or ask how my running is going and then I feel like I have to explain the whole crappy thing to them. I've turned into a complainer. My poor husband is so patient but I am sure he is getting so tired of it all.
The most frustrating thing of all is that my doctors don't seem to want to take any "ownership" - they keep passing me off to someone else who ends up having a different opinion of what to do. I've had a CT scan, MRI, ultrasounds, physical therapy, massage, chiropractor, blah blah blah.
Anyways, I just want to feel better. I don't know what to do. Hopefully this last test will come back and say that I can run - I know that will improve my mood by leaps and bounds. If it says that I can run though it also means that my problems are more internal and I will end up with a hysterectomy. Boo.
This morning I was driving to the store and the sky was so full of storm that you couldn't even see the mountains. It was so gorgeous. It really struck me as beautiful, but also intense - and powerful. I was filled with a feeling, a thought, or knowledge - of God's power. He is so powerful beyond measure - I had a witness of it before my very eyes. I think before in my life I might have wondered how, if He has all this power, then why is He not just fixing me? But today I felt so strongly that He can! I choose to exercise my faith and believe that He can. He can guide my doctor's minds ... He can physically heal me ... or He can just give me patience to deal with it. It doesn't matter what the end result is except how I exercise my faith in the meantime. I am so thankful for knowing this and gaining the needed patience through this knowledge.